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“Officer here is my Key Chain Flashlight Vibrator”

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“Officer here is my Key Chain Flashlight Vibrator” 

Let me tell you some interesting things can happen after your novel gets published. This is a funny and true story, happened to me last Friday night. 

I am riding my bike on the sidewalk at night about 9pm minding my own buiz and here out of nowhere comes a police car flying at me, slams on the brakes, has lights flashing, jumps out of his car and yells “HAULT”. Next another police car comes flying up behind him and corners me on the sidewalk. I am stunned and can’t figure out at all what I must of done. Plus I was stone sober, did not have even one cocktail because I was playing a piano concert the next evening. 

Both officers approach me with their hands by their holsters and I am thinking what the hell did I do???? Officer says,

 “Do you have a drivers license” I said, 

“Yes, but do I need it??? I am on my bike sir, but gladly give it to you”. 

“Sure, please, OK, Jim we are going to run a check but please tell me do you have a light?” I said, 

“You want a smoke?? I don’t have a lighter, sorry sir” 

“No Mr. Baugh, a flashlight!” 

“Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, I don’t…….. think……. But why officer? Don’t you have one?”

“I do but you dont” 

“You see Jim, since last summer we have had a high incidence of people getting hit by cars at night so our department is making a new initiative to inform patrons of the importance of having a flashlight on your bike at night, and we will issue tickets for it. Soooooo, do you have one?????” 

“Aaaaahhhhh, officer I sure wish I did, and I am sorry, certainly understand why I need one now and will do ASAP…… WAIT…. WAIT….. WAIT!!!! I DOOOOOO Have a flashlight!!!!!!” 

“Mr. Baugh may I see it?” 

“Sure, it is in my……… Man Purse.” 

Both policeman look at each other with this very, “Oh Boy” stare. 

I dive down into the bottom of my man purse, and there it is!!!! I yell out loudly, 

“Here it is, My Key Chain Flashlight Vibrator!!”

“Mr Baugh what in the world is that?” 

“Look, just turn the knob and the flashlight turns on and so does the vibrator.” 

“What the hell Jim!!!!” 

“Sir, I have carried this in my bag because I wrote a funny story about it in my best selling novel HOOKED. Once in a while when I run into someone who has read the book, I will ask them about the flashlight story and they bust out with laughter, then I reach down and pull it out to show them it is real. Always gets a big laugh.” 

“That is funny Jim, but I am afraid it is not big enough”. 

I looked at him and said, 

“That’s what she said.” 

The three of us had a HUGE laugh and let me go with only a warning. When it comes to key chain flashlight vibrators bigger is better. 

Now, the next day, I am searching on the web to see if any new reviews have come out on HOOKED. The book has gone a bit viral and is all over the place. I came across one site that was a marriage counseling web site that sold products, (books and adult toys) to better marriages and relationships. 

Sitting right there was a picture of my book HOOKED under flashlight vibrator for $15.95. I laughed for hours. 

Who ever would of thought so much humor would come out of a $5 key chain flashlight vibrator that was purchased as a gag gift eight years ago. 

If you want to read the story in HOOKED, it is in chapter 21 DC Nympho. One hilarious read, one you wont soon forget. 

Jim Baugh

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